SHREDDED

One by one I fed the papers through the shredder—all from a file folder representing sadness and disappointment. I tend to have a “helper” personality, but this backfired when I tried to help someone who was deflecting their unhappiness and anger onto me. I'd saved the negative paper trail, trying to make sense of it, Finally, I realized the files had to go in order to help me “let go” of this problem that only God could solve.

Shredding deed done, I sensed the hug of God and the reminder that He would handle this a lot better than I had. Accusations and lies had pummeled my spirit and eroded my health. But I knew God's way was to say “no” to revenge and leave it to Him (Romans 12:17-19). “Forgiving does not mean not facing a problem,” Dr. Henry Cloud wrote in Integrity: The Courage to Meet the Demands of Reality (Harper, 2006, p. 195). “It means facing it and then letting it go.”

In his pastoral role to early churches, Peter also had to deal with suffering believers. He urged them to take the high road—not repaying evil with evil, or insult with insult (1 Peter 4:9). Retaliation wasn't in God's plan. Instead, they were told (and here Peter quoted Psalm 34):

Whoever would love life and see good days must keep his tongue from evil and his lips from deceitful speech. He must turn from evil and do good; he must seek peace and pursue it. For the eyes of the Lord are on the righteous, and his ears are attentive to their prayer. (1 Peter 4:10-12a)

Even though I destroyed that negative correspondence, I take comfort that God has kept a record of my wounds and neediness. In Psalm 56, David reflected on how beat-up he felt as he tried to escape King Saul and ended up in Gath, home to the giant he had killed. Talk about unfriendly escape routes! “All day long they twist my words,” he cried out (56:5). After listing some other afflictions, David affirmed his faith that God saw the bigger picture when these enemies would be turned back:

By this I will know that God is for me. In God, whose word I praise—in God I trust; I will not be afraid. What can man do to me? (56:10-11)

How ironic, that words which “cut” me emotionally got “cut” so thoroughly. As I threw the shreds in the garbage, this verse from my very favorite book of the Bible came to mind:

Forgetting what is behind [like that now-shredded correspondence] and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus. (Phil. 3:14)

ON THE PLUS SIDE

What was that old saying, that a smile is just a frown turned around the right way? I agree, we've had plenty to frown about over the past year with the fears and horrors of the Covid-19 pandemic. As a “senior” with asthma, I have a target painted on my back (or is it the lungs?) for this scourge. At times, I get tired of all the confinement and precautions. But it's what we're called to do. Yet in the midst of all these negatives, there's another calling which might be called the “spiritual vaccination” for life's negatives. It's called “gratitude.”

I keep a file folder of “good stuff” I come across in my reading, thinking it might someday work into an article or blog. When cleaning off the desk lately (isn't everybody doing some sort of cleaning while confined?) I came across some wisdom about gratitude and having a positive attitude.

Gratitude begets gratitude, just as love begets love. So wrote the Dutch parish priest Henri J.M. Nouwen (1932-1996) in Life of the Beloved (Crossroads, 1992). He talked about working with institutionalized physically and mentally challenged people who had unfulfilled desires (like a life partner) and constant frustrations of needing assistance. Still, he said, they chose gratitude over bitterness. Little things meant a lot to them, like an invitation to dinner or being in community with people who offered friendship. In choosing gratitude over bitterness, they also inspired their caregivers. Nouwen added, “When we keep claiming the light we will find ourselves becoming more and more radiant. What fascinates me so much is that every time we decide to be grateful it will be easier to see new things to be grateful for. Gratitude begets gratitude, just as love begets love” (p. 62).

Focus on the good things in your life. That “prescription” came from Lisa Petsche, a clinical social worker, in an E-zine article. It's easy to be critical, she noted, when the world around us is pessimistic and the media focuses on disaster, failure, and discord. Proving true the saying that “misery loves company,” people join in, nurturing a negative outlook. The end result is stress that harms our physical and emotional well-being.

Some of her suggestions for nurturing a healing positive attitude:

*Limit media exposure.

*Use positive self-talk: “I can.” “I will.” “I choose.”

*Praise and encourage others.

*Humor yourself—with the newspaper comics, a hilarious sitcom, a fun book.

*Accept that some things you cannot change, but you can choose how to respond.

*Keep connected to caring people. Limit time with uncaring people and be forgiving.

*Have a “dump” place—a caring, trustworthy person or a private journal. (She didn't say so, but God's quite adept at handling our “dump times.”)

*Don't dwell on past mistakes or hurtful events.

*Do kind things for others.

*Put “quiet” into each day to nurture your spiritual life.

*Focus on positives: good relationships, the beauty of nature or art. Count blessings.(1)

If Henri Nouwen had studied her list, I'm sure he'd add this with the spiritual dimension, quoting the apostle Paul who wrote from a putrid prison: “Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again, Rejoice! Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near” (Philippians 4:4-5).

1. http://www.simplejoy.org/positive_attitude.htm (accessed Sept. 23, 2005, no longer online)