When life's gloomy

Talk about a gloomy day!  Though sunny outside, a storm system had moved inside. Negative thoughts splattered as I went about my chores. This photo is the best way I can illustrate it! I was dealing with some gray emotional clouds that rose up after a morning prayer time. For years I’d prayed for certain people who had a hard time “doing life.” Over and over I’d prayed that these people would drop negative habits, find joy in the Lord, sense purpose for life, acquire quality friends, or discover God’s will. But it seemed nothing was changing for the good. I was frustrated, even worried, about their futures. As my concern grew over the next hours, it was like a shroud over my day. Surely God was noticing how much I cared for these people!  

His answer came in an Email. A writer-friend, Kathy Collard Miller, had a book coming out. Would I be willing to review it? Her request turned out to be “apples of gold in settings of silver.”  No, not that old, famed book of quotes and aphorisms, but golden counsel I needed that week. Kathy is a seasoned author (nearly 50 books) and speaker (U.S. and overseas).

Timely for my “clouded perspective,” this new book is on “worry.” Titled Partly Cloudy with Scattered Worries, it teaches how it’s possible to worry less by trusting God more. Her insights helped me close up my gloom umbrella and realign some spiritual perspectives. Chapter 8, for example, tackles how worrying is really an attempt to control others. She highlights three false attitudes behind that premise.

False idea #1: “Worry communicates love,” as in “I was SO worried about you.” Truth: Worry communicates distrust. Worrying is a control device that can drive a wedge between people. “Prayer is powerful, worry is powerless,” she writes. “Prayer builds the relationship, worry destroys the relationship.”

False idea #2: “Worry changes other people.”  Truth: Worry doesn’t change others. Worry causes us to fall into a rut of thinking we’re responsible for another’s happiness. Kathy recalled worrying about her daughter’s unhappy “host family” situation during a college semester overseas. But her daughter emerged from that troubled semester with a healthy appreciation for her real family. Instead of worrying, we need to let God use a difficult situation in someone’s life. 

 

False idea #3. “Worry controls other people.” Truth:  It’s not our role to “rescue” people. She shared the story of an elderly woman who, worried about a troubled grandson, paid his rent and food for three years so he wouldn’t be homeless. By “worrying” through her financial support, she was actually interfering with God’s discipline in the young man’s life. Citing Proverbs 19:19, Kathy remarked, “Neither worrying nor rescuing does any good. It only brings destruction….He (or she) needs to be needy so that he/she will need God.” 

In other situations where people struggle (like those on my gloomy-day prayer list), Kathy reminds us that their failures are not a reflection on us. Instead, we’re to pray and set appropriate boundaries. There’s lots more, of course, to the book. Should I stop praying for spiritually needy people? Absolutely not! The Bible commands intercession. Prayer does change things, but not in the way nor in the time we think. God didn’t create robots. He created people with free will (make that: strong wills). But He still loves us more than we can imagine. He even loved me enough to allow me to experience a gloomy day. Then He gently pulled me out of it through a writer-friend’s timely counsel.