Guilt and innocence

Saved by the nose and antlers! Thanks to my husband’s fun December “décor” for our car (antlers on the windows, red nose on the front grill), we avoided a $124 fine for allegedly running a red light. When the ticket first came in the mail, we were aghast.  Neither of us could recall doing that, and the murky camera image printed on the citation wasn’t any help. Then I noticed I could go to a web site to view the official film by the traffic camera mounted above that intersection. That video showed the middle-lane car clearly running the red light. Our car (with its antlers) was legally stopped in the far right lane. Somehow, our license number was wrongly put on the citation—something I noted at the bottom of the form requesting a court appearance to dispute the ticket. I was ready to hold up the car antlers while the judge watched the video validating our innocence. I didn’t have to. A few weeks later, another note came from the court. This time it said, “File reviewed by judge.  Violation found not committed due to wrong license plate cited.  Case closed.”

A few weeks later, another “infraction” notice I questioned came in the mail.  For this I appealed to the Judge of all who warned about letting “bitter roots” take hold in our hearts (Hebrews 12:15). About fifteen years earlier, this person (then a teenager) took an innocent comment the wrong way and finally told me it still bugged them. I was unaware of this person’s negative reaction, and felt sad for how a grudge had rooted in this person’s heart. But I choose the Biblical response and wrote asking forgiveness. Soon after, I received from this person a four-page, single-spaced letter that I felt attacked my character. Seeing my tears as I began reading it, my husband said, “Let me read it.”  I replied, “If you do, you’ll think I’m a horrible person and wonder why you married me.” Reluctantly, I handed it over. He went through it, noting false and distorted statements. He pointed out words that served as clues to the writer’s own emotional state: angry, stressed, anxious, upset. “How should I respond?” I asked. “Don’t,” he said. “This could go on and on. Burn it.”

Before doing as he suggested, I read it several more times, trying to discern what message God had for me in the midst of its negatives.  I wanted the open heart of Psalm 139:23-24: “Search me, O God, and know my heart...See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.”

 For weeks afterwards, my Bible reading led me to many verses about forgiving and bearing with others’ weaknesses.  As if to reinforce that Biblical instruction, I happened to come across this quote from Phil Yancey’s excellent book Reaching for the Invisible God  (Zondervan, 200, p. 179):
Forgive, daily, those who caused the wounds that keep you from wholeness. Increasingly, I find that our wounds are the very things God uses in his service.  By harboring blame for those who caused them, I stall the act of redemption that can give the wounds worth and value, and ultimately healing.

I’m glad I never had to go to court with our comic Christmas car décor.  But every day “court is in session” as I seek to live as a citizen of heaven. I know this: that the Judge of all who sees into our hearts weighs all the evidence, and that He is absolutely fair and merciful.

Readers: has dealing with a "bitter root" been a part of your spiritual experience?