I’ve done some thinking about quality friendships as a result of speaking at the bridal shower for a special neighbor girl, uh, young woman. Where did the years go? When her parents moved across the street, she was a toothless baby grinning up at me from her crib.
During my shower talk, I referred to how even after marriage, you need women friends. Your husband can’t possibly meet all your needs. Researchers say the typical woman has 20,000 words a day that need to get out. A man can get through a day with about 7,000 words, and often less (unless he’s a salesman, of course). He's pressed to keep up with her three-times-greater need of conversation. And unmarried women have just as big a need for verbal connection.
That’s where women friends come in—more accurately, the sisterly connection that I’d call (with a southern drawl) girrll-friends.
At the shower I quoted from Pam Farrell’s book Fantastic After Forty (Harvest, 2007) about how we never outgrow (or marry out of) our need for true girlfriends. Afterward, I thought of things I’d add to the list in Farrell’s book, based on the blessing of a girrll-friendship in my life. A girrll-friend:
*Has a “history” with you from years of building a friendship.
*Gives you clothes you can really use when she cleans out her closet.
*Helps you hold a put-off but needed yard sale—and adds her stuff, too.
*Listens to you, helping nudge you toward godly perspective on issues (as in “such-and-such drives me nuts” mellowing to “God’s using that to build my character”).
*Doesn’t keep track of who hosted the last informal lunch together.
*Permanently loans you her house key (1) in case she locks herself out and (2) because she trusts you and knows you probably will use it to sneak a meal in her refrigerator when she comes home from a long trip.
*Anticipates and shares life’s pleasures, like buying a whole watermelon and bringing you half, because neither of you can eat a whole one up before it spoils (and letting you pay for your half because you grew up not wanting to be ‘beholden’ to someone).
*Calls when she spots a bargain you might be interested in.
*Doesn’t force you to agree with her.
*Shares tips for healthier living and encourages you follow through.
*Helps you in humble, practical ways. One of my five-star events was the morning she helped wash my scaly, withered broken-but-healing ankle on the first day out of the hard cast. This act reminded me of Jesus in the Upper room, and I cried over her gentleness).
*Shares good books and videos.
*Prays for your kids like a second mom.
*Comes up with the idea of visiting while running errands together—especially when you’re too busy for time together otherwise.
*Shares your idiosyncrasies, like a fondness for split pea soup.
*Feels free to just drop in, even if it’s for an emergency bathroom stop.
*Clips cartoons that hit home.
*Alerts you to other friends’ needs and sorrows, without gossiping.
*Doesn’t care how messy your house is, but will lend a hand for a quick cleanup.
*Prays for you—for things you’ve mentioned and things she’s just wise about.
I’m sure I could go on about the nurturing connection points of such friendships (and use up some more of my allotted daily words), but that’s a start. I’d love to hear some traits you recognize in girrll-friends!
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