A Tale of Three Women

Last week, I shared about the "Strong Woman vs. Woman of Strength" poem that has spread widely on the internet. Here are my own thoughts, but comparing three women. I don't think any of us are entirely one "type" of woman, but writing these out helped me evaluate my own failings in the life-long quest of seeking to have a heart after God. I'd welcome your feedback.

The World's Wonder Woman finds value in being admired.
The Weak Woman values being pitied.
The Wise Woman takes her value from being loved by the Father (1 John 4:9).

The World's Wonder Woman acquires things for status.
The Weak Woman hoards things for security.
The Wise Woman receives things for the eventual blessing of sharing (Proverbs 11:25).

The World's Wonder Woman wants to control the future.
The Weak Woman fears the future.
The Wise Woman trusts God with the future, depending on Him to be a refuge, strength, and help in trouble (Prsalm 46:1).

The World's Wonder Woman manipulates people for her gain.
The Weak Woman wants people to meet her neediness.
The Wise Woman gives of herself to others (Proverbs 31:20).

The World's Wonder Woman resists adversity.
The Weak Woman whines about her adversity.
The Wise Woman looks to God in adversity, giving thanks in all circumstances as helping her grow spiritually (1 Thessalonians 5:18).

The World's Wonder Woman drops people who offend or oppose her.
The Weak Woman broods over people who offend or oppose her.
The Wise Woman loves people who offend or oppose her, seeking to show that love covers a multitude of sins (1 Peter 4:8).

The World's Wonder Woman hurtles toward her goals.
The Weak Woman gives up on her goals.
The Wise Woman seeks God's counsel for her goals, then presses on: "I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me" (Philippians 3:12).

The World's Wonder Woman considers time a commodity in her planner.
The Weak Woman fritters away time.
The Wise Woman invests her time in serving God and gaining a heart of wisdom (Psalms 90:12).
-- (c) 2011 Jeanne Zornes

In praise of GIRRLL-friends

I’ve done some thinking about quality friendships as a result of speaking at the bridal shower for a special neighbor girl, uh, young woman. Where did the years go? When her parents moved across the street, she was a toothless baby grinning up at me from her crib.

During my shower talk, I referred to how even after marriage, you need women friends. Your husband can’t possibly meet all your needs. Researchers say the typical woman has 20,000 words a day that need to get out. A man can get through a day with about 7,000 words, and often less (unless he’s a salesman, of course). He's pressed to keep up with her three-times-greater need of conversation. And unmarried women have just as big a need for verbal connection.

That’s where women friends come in—more accurately, the sisterly connection that I’d call (with a southern drawl) girrll-friends.

At the shower I quoted from Pam Farrell’s book Fantastic After Forty (Harvest, 2007) about how we never outgrow (or marry out of) our need for true girlfriends. Afterward, I thought of things I’d add to the list in Farrell’s book, based on the blessing of a girrll-friendship in my life. A girrll-friend:

*Has a “history” with you from years of building a friendship.
*Gives you clothes you can really use when she cleans out her closet.
*Helps you hold a put-off but needed yard sale—and adds her stuff, too.
*Listens to you, helping nudge you toward godly perspective on issues (as in “such-and-such drives me nuts” mellowing to “God’s using that to build my character”).
*Doesn’t keep track of who hosted the last informal lunch together.
*Permanently loans you her house key (1) in case she locks herself out and (2) because she trusts you and knows you probably will use it to sneak a meal in her refrigerator when she comes home from a long trip.
*Anticipates and shares life’s pleasures, like buying a whole watermelon and bringing you half, because neither of you can eat a whole one up before it spoils (and letting you pay for your half because you grew up not wanting to be ‘beholden’ to someone).
*Calls when she spots a bargain you might be interested in.
*Doesn’t force you to agree with her.
*Shares tips for healthier living and encourages you follow through.
*Helps you in humble, practical ways. One of my five-star events was the morning she helped wash my scaly, withered broken-but-healing ankle on the first day out of the hard cast. This act reminded me of Jesus in the Upper room, and I cried over her gentleness).
*Shares good books and videos.
*Prays for your kids like a second mom.
*Comes up with the idea of visiting while running errands together—especially when you’re too busy for time together otherwise.
*Shares your idiosyncrasies, like a fondness for split pea soup.
*Feels free to just drop in, even if it’s for an emergency bathroom stop.
*Clips cartoons that hit home.
*Alerts you to other friends’ needs and sorrows, without gossiping.
*Doesn’t care how messy your house is, but will lend a hand for a quick cleanup.
*Prays for you—for things you’ve mentioned and things she’s just wise about.

I’m sure I could go on about the nurturing connection points of such friendships (and use up some more of my allotted daily words), but that’s a start. I’d love to hear some traits you recognize in girrll-friends!