Arthritically-correct Hymns

Some of the old, standby (pun intended) hymns just aren’t what they used to be for me. I blame a broken ankle that healed into a weather prediction station. Along with an aging back, both have become hangouts for a nemesis named Arthur-ritis. At my church, we start out upright and at full attention when worship begins with hymns and choruses. But by the time we’re into some chorus’s 18th refrain, sometimes I’m ready to refrain from standing and fold my posterior into a pew.

I do so with great guilt, no thanks to the tradition of hymns built off stalwart verses like “Stand firm” (2 Thess. 2:15). For those of us with lesser endurance who “sit firm,” I propose some arthritically-correct hymns:
1.“On Jordan’s Stormy Banks I Sit and Cast a Wishful Eye.” Outdoor worship? Just give me a lawn chair and warm blanket
2.“Sit Down, Sit Down for Jesus.” Even when I'm good to stand for a while, I might be next to a truly needy sit-downer who needs a friend at his or her level.
3.“I Sit Amazed in the Presence.” That sure fits the morning devotional time—good, quiet, seat-in-chair-with-Bible moments.
4.“On Christ the Solid Rock I Sit.” It worked for the house built on a rock. The one on sand should have had flood insurance.
5.“Sitting on the Promises.” That’s better than pacing around and wringing your hands in worry.
6.“Lord, Lift Me Up and Let Me Sit.” Though I may not see the words on the overhead through the six-foot-four, 280-pound guy in front, I can still feel spiritually lifted.
7.“Sit down and Bless the Lord.” We do this anyway before passing the chicken and veggies.

To be honest, the “arthritically correct” hymns just don’t sound right. But I’ll be happy to belt out the originals, as long as I have permission to eventually obey gravity’s pull on my aging body.