Ever been invited to a Pity Party?

Aren’t pity parties a barrel of fun?  If you’re invited, no question what to bring for a gift: a multipack of tissues.  Seriously, about the only person who enjoys a pity party is the host.  Author Shelly Beach made similar observations in her book I recently read, It is Well With My Soul (Discovery House, 2012). Beach, an articulate author and speaker, survived a brain bleed that should have killed her.  As she continues to live with chronic illness, she offers spiritual guidance for others whose lives and/or health are not perfect.

In an introduction to her chapter on the “victim mentality” she tells about dreading to receive calls from someone who was a chronic complainer.  “Caller I.D.” helped Beach screen her calls, but she couldn’t totally escape this woman who blamed her ailing parents for her problems. Beach observed: “She fails to see that she casts the glare of ingratitude and unforgiveness like high beam headlights. [She] sees everything through the spirit she projects, and her negative attitude can make people reluctant to approach her.”

Beach continues: “I should know.  For many years I wrapped myself in ingratitude and unforgiveness like my favorite winter coat.  They were my protection and insulation against my deficits, faults, and sins.  During the time I was blind to my negativity, others steered around me to escape the poison of my attitude.”

Gratitude, she says, “must be fed by our awareness of what we’ve been given and who we are.  When we don’t allow gratitude and forgiveness to guide us through hurt, loss, and conflict, we become trapped in a self-centered, victim mentality.”

For Beach, answering the call to show gratitude has required working through some pretty tough personal stuff, including long-ago sexual abuse against her and her family. 

What broke the shackles of her own “victim” mentality?

*Seeing her heart as God saw it.

*Letting the Holy Spirit show her the Bible’s truths about her life and attitude.  She remarked: “Scripture taught me that I had to take responsibility for my life and stop blaming God and others for family problems, bumpy friendships, job hassles, and the pain in my life” (p.130).

*Learning how gratitude moves our focus from ourselves to others, freeing us from chains of the past so we can serve out of gratitude for what God has given us.

I once heard it said that the person who organizes a pity party will have a very small guest list.  And maybe a large number of “sorry” RSVPs from people who have something better to do.