It never fails: November to December we’re bombarded with ads to buy buy buy. Then comes January with articles about how to climb out of debt. While the world focuses on shopping bills, credit cards and interest fees, little is said about another debt that often grows to almost unbearable proportions. The problem is its personal cost: of admitting breaking trust with someone and asking for that person's forgiveness. It isn't enough to toss a few cents' worth of half-hearted "sorry" at it and consider it "paid." The only lasting solution is to invite Heaven’s debt counselor, the Lord Jesus, into the mess.
Recently I had the sweet, humbling experience of someone coming to me and admitting a wrongdoing, asking for my forgiveness. This person had falsely accused me, wounding me to the point of tears. I spent a lot of time in prayer about it. Because of Christ’s work in my heart, I sought to “positionally” forgive them. Finally, the face-to-face encounter made real His love for both of us.
But such forgiveness-events don’t often happen in our broken world. Those who've wrestled with relational transparency may find help in an online article, “Forgiveness: The Possible Impossibility” http://www.wordtruth.net/PDG/Forgiveness.pdf . One especially meaningful section, on page 7, concerned how to ask for forgiveness. The wrong way includes padding a request for forgiveness with an excuse, like “I was having a bad day,” “I can’t help myself when I get mad,” or “I was upset because my boyfriend dumped me.”
The right way, according to the article, involves taking personal responsibility, naming specific sins, showing repentance, announcing Christ-honoring intentions for the future, and asking for forgiveness. For example, the article suggests:
“I recognize that I have sinned against the Lord and you by (name the specific sins). It is my intention never again to repeat this offense against you or anyone else. I repent and will change by doing the following. (Explain your specific plan for change.) I have asked the Lord to forgive me, and I want you to know that I desire your forgiveness as well. Will you please forgive me?”
If possible, this should be done in person. This may mean writing out the apology and reading it to the other person. If in-person contact isn’t possible, phone the person. Third choice: by personal letter. Last (and less preferred) choice: e-mail or texting, especially if the wrongdoing occurred via e-mail or texts.
Paul wrote the Romans, “Let no debt remain outstanding, except the continuing debt to love one another….Love does no harm to its neighbor” (Romans 13:8, 10). It’s the best gift possible.
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