THE POWER OF A SHORT WALK

It seemed just the natural and right thing to do: walk my older visitor, Georgia, to her car as part of my “goodbye.” For one thing, I wanted to make sure she “arrived” at the car door safely. Though a careful driver, even in her late 80s, her legs weren't as reliable. The last thing I wanted was for her to take a misstep off our porch or in our driveway. So, I walked her to the car, chatting and encouraging her until I made sure she was in, buckled, and ready for me to shut the car door. Then we waved goodbye, the little cone on her antennae (which helped her find her car in a parking lot) bobbing in the wind as she left. When she passed away recently at 90, I'm glad those little "bye" treks are part of my memories of our friendship.

I didn't think much about that little courtesy before reading an excellent book by Dee Brestin, The Friendships of Women (Victor Books, 1980). I had the privilege of hearing her in person at a women's conference in 1999. This was the “wow” moment I got in reading her “friendships” book:

I have learned the most important moments of a friend's visit may occur when I take the trouble to walk her to her car. The very act of showing that I care enough to prolong the visit often releases from her a confidence or expression of love that we both treasure. If I'm not willing to create these parting scenes, then they slip between the cracks of time, never to be called in remembrance when remembrance is sorely needed.(p. 20)

Thinking back over my visiting friends, I realize it wasn't just the older ones whom I wanted safely “delivered” to their cars. It was, indeed, the friends whose visits, as Dee said, I “cared enough to prolong.” And as they left, I realized how blessed I was, to have such caring and genuine friends.

I've tried to make two other courtesies part of my friendship habits. One is remembering birthdays, even with just a card. If possible, it's one with loving humor or celebrating something on their list of “my favorite things.” My friend Karen, who loves snowy white owls, usually gets a card with that bird on the cover—and oh, I hunt all year for that! The other courtesy is to affirm someone's character via a note on a birthday card or in a friendship note or E-mail. You never know: it might be God's timing to defuse a negative experience or message that person recently experienced.

A walk to the car, a quick and affirming message. They require so little. They communicate so much.