Holding tight

When you hurt too deep for words, it’s possible that the very God-Words you need cannot get past the wall of pain.  I’ve been there, but not in the devastating way that internationally-known author and speaker Carol Kent has been.  I met Carol in the summer of 2000 as the national winner of an essay contest on women mentoring women—the topic of her then-current book.  She and her husband were extraordinarily gracious in hosting me and my teen daughter for the TLC award weekend that included “the works” at a day spa (woo-hoo) and award recognition in front of a huge crowd of the Heritage Keepers women’s conference.  But something seemed amiss as I watched her greet old friends with tearful hugs. Later I learned that just months earlier, unspeakable pain sliced into their lives. Their only child, a respected military officer, was arrested for the murder of his young stepdaughters’ father, whom the son suspected of sexually abusing them. The full story is told in the book's introduction.

As I have prayed for the Kents through the years, I remembered Psalm 34:18--that God promises to be close to the broken-hearted. There was so little I could do, but I knew God saw all their needs. When I learned that Carol had a new book out—this time a devotional titled He Holds My Hand—I knew I needed to order it.  She autographed my copy with this telling inscription: “He holds your hand and He won’t let go. Psalm 63:8.”

Subtitled “Experiencing God’s Presence and Protection,” the 365-entry devotion reflects Carol’s quest to read the Bible as God’s very personal love letter to her.  I’ve recently used Sarah Young devotional books, also “God speaking to you” in style, and know how much more personal it made scripture. But Carol’s book has a passion I’ve found in no other, of God reaching into torn and tender hearts and saying, “I know. Someday it will make sense.”  As such I thought of the world’s most famous sufferer, Job, who in the midst of off-target accusations that his suffering “must” be the result of sin, shoved all those ideas in the corner with a golden declaration of faith:

But he knows the way that I take; when he has tested me, I will come forth as gold. (Job  23:10)

The personal notes in my Bible next to that verse include these:

1. I will walk by faith. (v.11)

2. I will obey God (v. 12)

3. I will “eat” His Word (v. 13)

All of those things Carol has done in this devotional . Each day includes a thought-provoking quotation from a Christian leader. Then she explores what God has “messaged” through a certain text.  I read randomly through the book when I first received it, and each touched me in a tender place.

 The shelves at bookstores are full of devotional books, some fluffy, some thin in true life experience. This is one you will not want to miss.  Buy two copies, one for yourself and one for someone going through times so unsteady that he or she needs a Hand to grasp.

 Hardback, published by Tyndale/Momentum, $15.99

Making 'Psense' of Psalms--Psalm 63: Sustained

Collapsed!  This old shed, found in a valley in our area, seemed
to symbolize times when life collapses in on us--the big
message of Psalm 63

Part of a continuing series on selected psalms.
Dusty whirlwinds spun across freshly-plowed fields as we traveled recently through desolate farm country. They didn’t last long, usually dissipating within minutes. But that same week, in middle America, the same physics of air created killer tornados that churned through towns, destroying homes and businesses and killing loved ones. How does one recover from something like that?  Likewise, how does one rebuild a life smashed by crime, betrayal or some other profound personal loss? King David suggests a way in Psalm 63, which he wrote out of a personal “tornado” that nearly cost his life and reign. It still speaks to how God sustains us when life seems to collapse around us.

THE BACKGROUND

The prelude says David wrote this while “in the desert of Judah,” which describes two times in his life. In the first, when jealous King Saul sought to kill him, David fled to enemy territory, Philistia, thinking Saul wouldn’t dare go there. But the Philistines unhappily recognized David as killer of their once invincible Goliath. David fled again, alone, to a wilderness cave. Psalm 56 grew out of this time (see May 9 blog).

Psalm 63 comes years later, when he is king (verse 22 says, “the king will rejoice in God”). Hs son Solomon (birthed by Bathsheba) was the heir-apparent, but another son, Absalom, from another wife, also aspired to the throne. Second Samuel 15-19 tells how Absalom spent four years wooing the peoples’ allegiance, and set out to establish a rival kingship in nearby Hebron. Attacking and dethroning his father was the next step. David fled for his life to the wilderness east of the Jordan. This psalm was composed in that time of brutal, soul-searching uncertainty. David didn’t know if he’d live through Absalom’s coup. A messy, bloody battle would follow, with Absalom killed.

THIRSTY GROUND

This psalm begins with David hiding in the desert wilderness with his entourage of family and faithful followers. Shortly after fleeing Jerusalem, David saw God provide for their exile when a loyal servant showed up with donkeys laden with food. Still, David needed assurance of God’s presence even in exile:
O God, you are my God, earnestly I seek you; my soul thirsts for you, my body longs for you, in a dry and weary land where there is no water. (63:1)
The way David expressed his spiritual thirst is similar to Psalm 42, written by the sons of Korah: “As the deer pants for streams of water, so my soul pants for you, O God” (see April 18 blog). Parched for spiritual assurance and comfort, David’s plea could be that of any of us in a desperate life situation, like the death or rejection of a loved one, or the traumatic removal of a job, home, or status.

HOLY GROUND

In exile, David longed for the way things used to be. He remembered the vibrant, even boisterous, worship he participated in at the “sanctuary,” which was the Exodus-era tabernacle relocated in Jerusalem. Worship there brought him as close on earth as he could get to witnessing God’s power and glory (63:2). Especially was the tabernacle’s ark (holding the Ten Commandments, a jar of manna, and Aaron’s bud that bloomed) precious to him. He’d rescued it after it was captured and shuttled around enemy territory. Now it sat behind heavy curtains, the top of it sprinkled with blood on the Jews’ most holy day of the year. Interestingly, the ark of the covenant almost followed David into the wilderness. Zadok and other priests joined those leaving Jerusalem, taking along the ark and stopping occasionally to offer sacrifices. But David told Zadok to take the ark back to Jerusalem. If God was on his side, he’d be able to return to worship at the tabernacle (2 Samuel 15:24-29).

SATISFIED SPIRITS

Could David worship God away from all the beauty and ritual of the tabernacle? Could God possibly be in the desert? The answer comes in these key verses:
Because your love is better than life, my lips will glorify you. I will praise you as long as I live, and in your name I will lift up my hands. My soul will be satisfied as with the richest of foods; with singing lips my mouth will praise you. (vv. 3-5)
God is not bound by church architecture. However, disbelief and disobedience can move us away from His intimate presence. In exile in the desert, David didn’t have the rich foods he enjoyed in his palace. But dwelling on God, worshipping Him, and lifting up holy hands (see 1 Timothy 2:8) gave David the spiritual feast he needed. Out of his painful personal example, David is teaching us that the more our difficulties, the more important worship should become to us.

I recently read the newest book by international author-speaker Carol Kent, titled Unquenchable (Zondervan, 2014). Carol was thrust into a “dry and weary land” in 1999 when her only child, Jason, a U.S. Navy Academy graduate, was arrested for the murder of his wife’s first husband, who was suspected of sexually abusing his daughters. After many delays and a trial sensationalized by the media, Jason was sentenced to life in prison. In this book, Carol shares her own and others’ “faith firestorms” of profound loss and betrayal, to the point that the flame of faith dropped to a weak flicker. Carol remarked that when life’s challenges seem to douse our feelings of closeness to God, “we must never confuse feelings with faith. When our feelings wane—and they will, for all sorts of reasons—we must stir through the ashes to reveal the glowing embers of our still-living faith. Embers…are critically important to an enduring wildfire faith” (p. 70).

This is what I sense communicated in Psalm 63. David is down to barely flickering embers. But he doesn’t give up on God. He worships God even in barren circumstances. At night, when he can’t sleep (understandable, considering all that’s happening!), he thinks of God. He claims God’s help. He pictures himself as under God’s protective wings. And he sings! As he clings to God, he senses God upholding him. Or, to match this to Carol’s imagery, he stirs the last embers of faith to keep going.

DUE PROCESS

The psalm ends on what seems a harsh, imprecatory note, wishing woe on his enemies. He wants them destroyed, sent to hell (Sheol), killed by the sword, and fed to jackals (not given a decent burial), their mouths silenced. This could be David expressing confidence that punishment would come to the enemies of God. But we also need to read this in light of the New Testament: “God, our Savior…wants all men to be saved and to come to a knowledge of the truth” (1 Timothy 2:5). No matter who is our “enemy,” they still need a Savior. And they need to see people who “rejoice in God,” even when they’re alone, discouraged, or in danger.

Like David, the apostle Paul suffered greatly under enemies who wanted him dead. Yet he found himself sustained by this truth, which sounds so much like Psalm 63: “The Lord will rescue me from every evil attack and will bring me safely to his heavenly kingdom. To him be glory for ever and ever. Amen” (2 Timothy 4:18).

 

Next: Psalm 69      

 

Grace places

Once in my life I did win a national contest. To help publicize a new book on mentoring, a Christian publisher had sponsored a contest seeking essays about “women of influence” in someone’s life. When I first saw the ad, I thought, “Oh, what’s the use.” But I was compelled to tell the story of an unusual woman of influence in my life, a retired nurse in my church who took this rookie newspaper reporter aka young chick under her devout wing. She loved on me and encouraged me in my growing faith through simple potluck meals in her very humble little home.

Just before the contest deadline in spring 2000, I sent off my article about “Grandma G,” my unlikely mentor. A few months later, as I sat writing fillers for my part-time job at the newspaper, I got a call from the sponsoring publisher. Out of hundreds of entries, they decided mine was the winner. My prize would be a weekend trip to Indianapolis to meet the book’s author and be honored at the large arena “Heritage Keepers” women’s event where she would speak. Oh yes, the weekend would include “the works” at a day spa. The trip was for two—for me and my “mentor.” One problem: she had died years ago. Could I take my daughter, then 16, in her stead?

And so Inga and I flew to Indianapolis and spent time with international Christian speaker Carol Kent, an author whose works I had read and enjoyed, and whose book Becoming a Woman of Influence prompted the contest. Carol and her husband were models of graciousness in helping Inga and me feel welcome. But I sensed something amiss as I watched her greet professional friends and share tears and emotional hugs. Finally, as we left, I dared to ask. I learned their son (and only child), a military academy graduate who wanted to honor Christ in his occupation, sat in prison on charges of murdering his wife’s ex-husband, who was suspected of abusing his little daughters.

Carol’s writing and speaking took a major turn after that heart-breaking event, which resulted in her son being sentenced to life without possibility of parole in a Florida prison. From this life-shattering sorrow came three books to uphold and encourage people who face unthinkable circumstances and are struggling to trust God to help them through it. They have included When I Lay My Isaac Down, A New Kind of Normal, and the just-released Between a Rock and a Grace Place. This newest book encourages those who suffer to look for the God-things that emerge from dark places—like faith, mercy, contentment, thanksgiving, favor, joy, freedom, and adventure. Though the book shares their journey with their son’s incarceration, it also includes stories of others who have found themselves on the dark and despairing side of life. It’s lived-through, cried-through, and trusted-through responses to the life circumstances you would have never chosen.

I’d encourage you to read this book. Request it from your public library so that it can be ordered and put on the shelves for others. Share it with those who may seem ready for its liberating message. I’d venture that many of us know someone with a desperate outcome from their choices. Some remote branches of my family tree, grafted in by marriage, include those who suffer greatly because of a family member’s crime. One man is serving his sentence for murder; another has recently been charged with the same crime.

If you know of someone who is incarcerated and don’t know what to do to help that person’s family, consider learning about a non-profit ministry Carol began to help inmates and their families: www.SpeakUp ForHope.org.

When I entered that essay contest a decade ago, I had no idea how it would expand my world. The manicure is long gone and I’d never had another massage since that contest win. But it touched my life in a good way. I pray regularly for Carol and her husband, who have not shrunk back from this sorrow, but embraced it to bring glory to God.