GENTLE WORDS

Two "gentle" things from nature....
cotton and feathers

Gentle—even the word is usually pronounced softly, like the quality it describes. It makes me think of soft things like cotton and feathers. I was surprised to learn that our English word came from one meaning “a clan” or “a person of high social station.” That makes sense because a person born of “status” typically (though not always) has refined and polite manners and mannerisms. Think: “genteel.” Recall movies of old-time, manners-conscious aristocrats. Or, in another realm, the healing powders or lotions rubbed gently on inflamed skin.

People who portray the trait “gentle” usually have a kind face and mannerisms. There's no fire, hatred or bluster in their speaking or writing. They have control over anger. These scriptures come to mind:

“Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, for man's anger does not bring about the righteous life that God desires.” (James 1:20)

“Let your conversation be always full of grace, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how to answer everyone.” (Colossians 4:6) (The “salt” reference reminds me of how in Bible times salt was used to ward off spoilage. The verse does NOT refer to “salty language” associated with negatives.)

“When words are many, sin is not absent, but he who holds his tongue is wise. The tongue of the righteous is choice silver....” (Proverbs 10:19-21—two of many “tongue” references in Proverbs)

“Put off falsehood and speak truthfully...in your anger do not sin...do not give the devil a foothold.” (Ephesians 4:25-27) It is possible to answer harshness with gentleness. Someone I know told of answering the phone one day and hearing the words, “I hate you!” Recognizing the voice of someone with anger issues (and for whom they'd prayed for years), they replied, “I can tell this is a negative call, so I'm going to hang up.” As expected, the caller immediately called again. But the recipient let the rebound call go to “message” rather than inviting more harsh words and an “anger foothold.”

Jesus could be harsh with the stiff-necked religious leaders of His times. He could reprimand His disciples when they got out of line. But He was also gentle with His followers and the fallen, wanting them to make wise and healing choices. Perhaps seeing that in the Gospel accounts has helped fasten a contemporary worship chorus to my heart. Listen here to the Gaithers' well-known “Gentle Shepherd.” (If there's an advertisement before the video, be patient for the performance.) Remember these lines: “We need your help from day to day.”

Gaither, Gaither Vocal Band - Gentle Shepherd [Live] ft. Gaither Vocal Band

A YEAR-WORTHY WORD

Once again I have attached the word for a character quality to the bottom of my computer screen as a reminder of a personal, spiritual goal. While I have tried in past years (and decades) to focus on being gentle in times of stress and personal attacks, it just felt “right” to again have that reminder of a godly trait.

So, “gentle.” The verse I hang on it is Philippians 4:5 (NIV): “Let your gentleness be known to all.” In the original Greek, what's rendered “gentleness” in the NIV-English translation is epieikes. It has these shades of meaning: forbearance, moderation, sweet reasonableness, willingness to give up one's own way.

Knowing the circumstances under which Philippians was written helps deepen the impact of “gentleness.” The apostle Paul had founded this church (in a city located between today's Greece and the Black Sea) during his second missionary journey about AD 50. He baptized a few believers there, revisiting the congregation twice within the next few years. Then he was arrested and imprisoned in Rome. Despite his dire circumstances, he kept that church close to his pastor's heart. The letter remembered their love and help to him. But he was also worried about false teachers contaminating their faith with heresies. He probably knew how easily divisions reared their heads in young fellowships.

Putting the historical setting on Philippians helps me apply its truths to everyday life. Like the First Century believers, we're just as vulnerable to pride and stubbornness. That's true in church life as well as our private lives (which, of course, spill over into church life). Interestingly, Paul's admonition to seek “gentleness” (v. 5) came right after his plea to two church women, Euodia and Syntyche, to try to get along. We're not told what their rift was about, but it bothered Paul enough to add it to his letter of admonitions.

I've endured situations where people who claim the name of Christ could slip into the shoes of Euodia and Syntyche. Somehow, what we call “the flesh” (typically unbelief, pride and stubbornness) erode what could be healthy, nurturing relationships. My mental picture of this is a spoiled child (or adult), arms crossed, mouth pouty, declaring, “I'll do it my way and leave me alone!” Typically, “my way” is not “Christ's way.”

Unable to deal with this in person, Paul asked someone in the congregation to help these women return to a peaceful, Christ-focused relationship. I sometimes wonder what the end of that story was. Whatever it was, the lesson for me continues: practice gentleness. Even when criticized and demeaned unfairly, be gentle. Pray for that person. Let God be at work.

Think tank: "true"

Blue columbine grow in a little triangle flowerbed of perennials my son planted for me several years ago. Oh, his creative touch with lavender, lupine and other flowers bringing a dead corner to life every spring. Though columbine come in many colors, I’m glad he chose blue, my favorite hue. It’s soothing and also connected with loyalty or constancy, as in “true blue.”  Maybe that’s why I pay extra attention with I come across “true” in the Bible as in the sense of real, ideal, genuine, manifest, uncompromised.. John called Jesus “the true God and eternal life” (1 John 5:20). Many passages in Revelation use “true” in describing God’s attributes. Then there’s Philippians 4:8, urging us to think about whatever is true.

It’s true that Paul wrote these words while a prisoner in Rome. But instead of complaining, he sought God’s true purposes in his situation and found the joy that throbs through this epistle. He gave struggling believers some “think tank” homework—to think  (meditate) on God’s praiseworthy attributes, starting with “true.” He knew it would change their outlooks and lives.

 

The “think tank” assignments follow Paul’s practical advice about surviving hard times: *Rejoice in the Lord always.  Long ago I had a car with a bumper sticker that said, “Praise the Lord Anyway!” One day a hefty teen guy was helping me carry out a big load of groceries. You guessed it: a glass jar rolled out and almost broke. Noticing my bumper sticker, he rolled his eyes and said, “Praise the Lord, anyway.”  I don’t think that’s quite what Paul had in mind! Instead, it is a mindset for life that says even when I can’t understand what’s happening, I rejoice in God who sees far ahead and helps me.

*Let your gentleness be evident to all.  I hope I’m not the lady who blusters about so much that people wish she wasn’t around. A “gentle and quiet spirit” (1 Peter 3:4) has been on my “remember-to-practice” list for a long time. I’m glad Paul added, “The Lord is near.” He sees every speck of behavior, good or bad.

*Do not be anxious about anything. Oh, this one stings. Can’t I just be “concerned”? But carnal concern slops over into sinful anxiety quite easily.

*In everything by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. Those with high anxiety are apt to be those who obey the “pray over problems” a lot.  They stay anxious because God doesn’t answer their prayers promptly enough or in the way they want. They forget the “thanksgiving” part, which would say, “God, this is big in my life. I don’t see a solution, but thank You that You already have a better answer in mind. Thank you that some day I’ll look back and see Your wisdom.  I praise you that it’s not all about me and my worry-prayers but about You being a wise, gracious and loving God.”

Living and praying God’s way, Paul said, results in true peace. It’s not that push-back-in- the-recliner for a sigh-filled “end of day,” but a spiritual peace that “transcends all understanding.” It will also “guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus” (v. 7).  Now, that’s “beyond understanding.” 

Next: “honest”

Gentle reminders

They’re called “lamb’s ears,” or technically stachys byzantina, and the low-growing, compact velvety plants are a popular edging. I can’t resist leaning over and touching the soft, pointed leaves, for they remind me of a spiritual trait I want to grow more in my life.  It’s gentleness, the demeanor expressed by what we do and say. Appropriately, “lamb’s ears” look like tongues as well as ears.

“Let your gentleness (“moderation,” KJV) be known to all,” Paul wrote the Philippians (4:5, NIV). In the original Greek, the word implied something gentle, patient, and forbearing. More telling, Paul wrote verse 5 after asking two Christian women with a rift to “agree with each other in the Lord.” We’re not given details of their rift, but it probably involved some hurtful words to each other or behind the other’s back. Instead of being like lamb’s ears, they were cacti.

Been there, done that? A chapter of Proverbs has especially admonished me about “gentle words.” It begins, “A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger”  (Proverbs 15:1). In other verses, this chapter counsels:

*Speak truth wisely. “The tongue of the wise commends knowledge,” verse 2 says, “but the mouth of the fool gushes folly.” We’re not to back off from expressing truth, but guard how we express it. Those taken in by “folly” or strange ideas are usually very defensive of them. The best response may be, “I’m sorry, but I cannot come over to your beliefs. Let’s agree to disagree but not let that end our friendship.” When you’re not an easy “convert” to their position, they may back away, but the gentle reply will hopefully leave open the door to their hearts. And then, “The lips of the wise spread knowledge” (Proverbs 15:7).

*Speak to heal. “The tongue that brings healing is a tree of life” (v. 4). Remember the “lamb’s ears” are shaped like an ear. At times we need to engage ears before engaging tongue. James counseled: “Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry” (1:19). One person I pray for is like a closed-up box. Careless words can result in that box being shut tighter. Even though it’s arduous to draw out this person in conversation, that’s what God would have me do. I need this person’s trust before offering words of counsel.

*Speak to diffuse anger. “A hot-tempered man stirs up dissension, but a patient man calms a quarrel” (v. 18). “Blessed are the peacemakers,” Jesus said (Matthew 5:9). I say, double-blessed, because in that role they often get in the crossfire of verbal barbs and anger.

*Speak to build up: “A man finds joy in giving an apt reply—and how good is a timely word!” (v. 23). Such words are: “Go for it—I believe in you,” “I knew you could do it,” and “I’m proud of you.”

*Know when you need to listen: “He who listens to a life-giving rebuke will be at home among the wise” (v. 31). Several years ago, a godly woman I respected took me aside and gently told me that someone had felt snubbed because I didn’t greet her in the church foyer. I could have passed off it off as a mistaken reaction, but my friend helped me discern this person’s bigger needs of connection. Instead of reacting like a cactus (poke, poke, poke!) to what seemed trivial, I allowed my friend’s remarks to help me see this needy person through God’s eyes.

 

For several years I’ve thought about getting some “starts” of “lamb’s ears” for my yard. I have a place picked out: near the front door, where they’ll regularly remind me to seek to practice gentleness.