OUT BUT NOT DOWN (Psalm 34:11-22)

(An ongoing series on the 48 psalms listed as “recommended reading” for times of depression, as listed in counselor/pastor David Seamands’ book Healing for Damaged Emotions.)

A reminder of abundant blessings....

Some churches have a “children’s sermon” time of about five minutes when the little ones gather around the pastor or an assistant for a simple Bible story or instruction. The second half of Psalm 34 seems to do that with its invitation, “Come, my children, and listen to me, and I will teach you to fear the Lord” (v. 11). Where the first part of this psalm is a testimony of trusting God in dire circumstances, the second half relates practical spiritual and relational skills. These, too, matter a lot when we’re trying to get through difficult and depressing times. Among the classes David was authorized to teach:

Tongue Control 101 (v. 13).  Avoid lies. Don’t do evil. Do good. Have a peaceable disposition.  Romans 12:18 aligns with this: “If it is possible, as much as depends on you, live peacefully with all men.”  I’m grateful for that middle phrase—“as much as depends on you”—as I’ve encountered people so hardened by negativity and bitterness that kindness seems to bounce off them. But God sees my efforts, and understands when I have to tell Him, “They’re your problem now, God. I’ve done the best I can and it’s damaging to me emotionally to remain in contact with them.”

Graciousness 101 (vv. 14-16). Don’t answer “meanness” (ungracious, demeaning words and behavior) with the same. Peter’s letter says “amen” to that: “Do not repay evil with evil or insult with insult, but with blessing” (1 Peter 3:9a).

Divine Dependence 101 (vv. 17-18). Ask God for help in trouble. Tell Him if you’re brokenhearted. Imagine: an instant audience with the Lord Most High! He knows already, but He’s ready to reach out to those with crushed spirits.  He has something better ahead.

Back to the verse highlighted in last week’s exploration of Psalm 34:1-10:

The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.

Broken hearts litter the emotional landscape. There’s a breach in a relationship, and two people are hurt badly as they draw apart. The brokenness may come from abandonment, rejection, oppression, abuse, or even death. Dreams are shattered and there’s typically a physical reaction, like a heaviness that rightly is called “heartache.” Fear, loneliness, and despair arise along with reluctance to love or trust someone again.

But that’s not the end of the story. Jesus came, as Isaiah prophesied, to heal the broken- hearted (Isaiah 61:1-3, Luke 4:18). He showed us up-close the character of a God who wants us to know peace, and to give us a future and a hope (Jeremiah 29:11).

Such verses brought me hope in the late 1970s when the man I thought I’d marry decided to end our relationship. That’s when Psalm 34:18—about the Lord being close to the brokenhearted—became my healing hope.  I moved away. Each of us completed graduate degrees and settled in our careers. One sad year, I buried both my parents. As the years ticked by, I figured he had already married someone else. Then, one day eight years later, out of the blue, he called. I was now living two thousand miles away. Friends had given him my phone number. He'd never married. When he asked if he could write, I was astonished. The end of the story is that we got back together and married. And for our wedding verse, we chose this:

O magnify the Lord with me, and let us exalt His name together.

Did you guess? Yes, Psalm 34, verse 3.

Passing People 101

This toy monkey from my son's babyhood

went to college with him (for  fun) and

witnessed HIS share of challenging

roommates!

Most college students take a life-skills course for which they get no academic credit.  It’s called Roommate 101 (in life, People 101). I repeated it several times. My freshman year, I had four roommates in three quarters.

#1: “Nicki Tene”—who welcomed me with smoke curling from her cigarette. (This was the ‘60s, when students could smoke in their rooms.) As an asthmatic, I’d checked “no smoking” in my roommate profile. Oops.  The dorm mother changed me to a tinier room around the corner with:

#2: “Imin Luv”--who, when not in class, was with her boyfriend until curfew. Then she slept in until her 10 a.m. class, while I (who had 8 a.m. classes) had to dress by flashlight so I wouldn’t disturb her. She dropped out to marry him at the end of the quarter.

#3: “Freida To-Be Freed”—who was counting the days to her 18^th birthday for off-campus freedom.  No more dorm life for her after this quarter.

#4: “Patchwork Patty”—who, like me, needed a roommate. No drama, no sparks, we got along.

My second “dorm year,” my roomie was a Star Trek fan who kept a Trek scrapbook and didn’t miss a Trek program on the dorm TV. A loner, too. I decided for “potluck roommate” the next two years and both became friends who wrote for a while after college. Based on that, despite a rough start, I’d say I passed “People 101” in the college dorm setting.

I was taken back to those challenging-people times recently while reading Safe People, a book about relational security by Drs. Henry Cloud and John Townsend. The book is subtitled, “How to find relationships that are good for you and avoid those that aren’t.” It’s for people who want improve interpersonal skills and for those needing to break free of “unsafe” behavioral habits. The authors point out that those who commit to behavioral change programs (such as the Twelve Steps of Alcoholics Anonymous) find success because they want to work through their problems and develop good character. “Unsafe people,” however, resist character transformation. They:

*Resist admitting their relationship issues, think they don’t need help, and aren’t open to confrontation from others.

*Don’t confess when they’ve wronged others.

*Don’t forgive people who hurt them.

*Don’t show empathy to others.

*Don’t take responsibility for their lives.

*Don’t submit their life and will to God, and don’t “hunger and thirst after righteousness” (Matt. 5:6).*

Or, said another way, by shutting off awareness of their own problems and God’s resources for transformation, they act out of their own unconscious hurts, and then hurt others. They’re “unsafe,” then wonder why people avoid them.

By the way, Roommate 101 wasn’t a one-time course for me. In the dozen years between my undergraduate degree and marriage at 34, as life took me to four different major cities for mission service, work and graduate school, I had 21 different random roommates. I met some wonderful people—and some challenging (“unsafe”) ones who caused me to keep my thumb in Hebrews 12:14 (NLT): “Try to live in peace with everyone, and seek to live a clean and holy life.”

I still run into “unsafe” people in life’s daily challenges. When they are hurtful to me, I try to see them as people for whom Christ died. They won’t be “safe” until they’re safe and trusting in the arms of Jesus.  That’s worth praying for.

*Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend, Safe People (Grand Rapids: Zondervan, 1995), pp.34-35.