SPLAT!

My garage door recently sported some modern art before I used a wet rag to wipe it off. Either a feathered friend mistook the door's blue paint for sky or just wasn't paying attention to its route. I didn't find a dead bird nearby, so I hope he only suffered a slightly bruised chest and got on with life in the sky. I was fairly certain the bird wouldn't look for a wet rag to clean it up—so I did.

The unwelcome mess reminded me of other “splats” I'd experienced—the “splats” of mean and hurtful words. I'm not the type to go around yelling and insulting people in person or in written or virtual form. Yet for some reason, another's untrue and unsought mean words found their target with me. When I reacted, they retorted with excuses like, “I'm sorry you feel that way,” “You're too sensitive,” or “I didn't mean it like that.” Such replies attempted to bounce blame back onto me rather than acknowledging their own negative behavior causing the problem.

Weary of “splats,” I finally wrote this person a letter (which others read beforehand to assure its “kindness” tone), expressing how their anger and false accusations wounded me. After my backing away from that relationship, the "splats" decreased. 

Abandoning relationships isn't my to-go behavior. I thought of how patient Jesus was with people with problems. But when people in Jesus' life (like the Pharisees) persisted in their negatives, He drew a holy line. In my case, after prayer and seeking scripture's wisdom, I sensed the Lord permitting me to let go. His command to “love one another” didn't mandate being a continual negative target. Instead, putting down relationship “boundaries” might awaken reality in a person who habitually vented their unhappiness on others. Or who tossed out a “sorry” reply without the backup of personal reflection or accountability to change.

These times of computers and smart phones, we often hear the saying, “There's an 'ap' for that,” meaning you can download virtual instructions to achieve a task. I find “aps” for quitting “splats” throughout scripture, especially in Proverbs, which speaks so honestly to human behaviors:

Gracious words are a honeycomb, sweet to the soul and healing to the bones. (Proverbs 16:24)

Better a patient man than a warrior, a man who controls his temper [my translation: doesn't go 'splat'] than one who takes a city. (Proverbs 16:32)

A man of knowledge uses words with restraint, and a man of understanding is even-tempered. (Proverbs 17:27)

Anti-splat instructions aren't limited to Proverbs. They're illustrated throughout scripture's stories and counsel, with healing words given a five-star rating:

Do not let any unwholesome [the Greek term is “saphros,” meaning “putrid”] talk come out of your mouth, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen (Ephesians 4:29)

The same passage gets painfully specific about a Christ-follower getting rid of “bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice” (v. 31).

Splat! Think of the, well, “body waste” a bird gifted my garage door. The cure is a cleansing cloth dipped in kindness, compassion, and forgiveness—remembering our own Cross-purchased gift of forgiveness from the Lord Jesus Christ (v. 32).

EnLIGHTened

The card cover & the bug book's text

It was one of my husband's last random “love notes” to me. I found it on the kitchen table. The cover was a drawing of seven lightning bugs. (I took note of the number seven—the so-called “perfect” number.) The printed text inside: “Every thought of you puts a little sparkle in my day.” He had added: “I remember when you introduced me to fireflies. They lit up my life then and you still light up my life. Your enlightened Favorite Fellow.”

The story behind his comment. When he proposed marriage (after we'd resumed courtship after a gap of some seven years), he was living in central Washington and I was near Chicago. When he flew to Chicago to help me drive back for our wedding, it was summer and “firefly” season in the Midwest. The tiny critters fascinated them with their luminescence.

Throughout our marriage, when we shopped thrift stores, he often gravitated over to the card racks for something that seemed “just right” to keep the romance going. I appreciated that. I didn't care that they maybe cost a quarter instead of the inflated card store price. I'd find notes on the kitchen table or on my pillow. What a guy. After his death, I found his “stash” of future romantic, birthday, or anniversary cards in his desk drawer. Oh, pass the tissue box. Some of them were pretty heavy-duty, but enabled him to express his heart in my love language, which is “written communication.”

That last love note was so precious that I tucked it in the flyleaf of my Bible. Shortly after his death, I was reading a book about bugs to my grandsons. I came to a page about fireflies. The text said: “Did you know that a firefly is a type of beetle? Fireflies are also called lightning bugs. A male firefly will light up when he wants a female to see him.”

Oh, pass the tissue box. Yes, instead of the flickering “male” firefly, this female” “lit up” when I got his love notes. Even after nearly 42 years of marriage, those little perks still meant a lot.

Kind words are not just for lovers. They are the lubricant for all relationships, personal and business. Intimate and casual. I've known the sting of mean words—even invented words, embellished with extra prefixes and suffixes that made them sound erudite and highfalutin. I considered “the source” and tried to move on. But those hurtful times just reinforced my desire to be more proactive about building people up, expressing appreciation, and asking God to help me see opportunities to be more Christlike through my words.

Maybe it's reminders of wounding words I endured in the past from unhappy people, or this difficult grieving time. But in this season of life, I'm asking the Lord to make me more sensitive to kind words. Yes, words that point to Jesus, who connected heart and mouth (or penmanship!): “The good person out of the good treasure of his heart produces good, and the evil person out of his evil treasure produces evil, for out of the abundance of the heart his mouth speaks” (Luke 6:45).

See more at this website: What Does the Bible Say About Kind Words? (openbible.info)

SWEET REMINDERS

Oops, some got eaten already!

Some friends gifted us at Christmas with a specially-ordered box of chocolates. Instead of flavor names, each piece was labeled with a fun word. My husband, knocked by a recent serious illness, chose one labeled “longevity.” I'd tried hard to keep upbeat through it all, so picked “charm.” Yum, those few seconds of chocolate bliss while we chewed and swallowed!

On second thought, though it would have tasted the same, I thought I should have gone for “wisdom.” I This past year I needed that quality as we navigated so many medical emergencies. But read on....

I know some Christian writers who choose a “focus word” for the year. One is Lucinda Secrest McDowell, of Connecticut, who has written several books packed with short chapters that focus on the spiritual meaning of one word at a time. Her “Ordinary Graces” and “Dwelling Places” (both Abingdon Press) are often-reread treasures in my bookcase. Every year she has a “focus word” that just makes sense for the way she anticipates spiritual growth and deepening.*

Another similarly gifted and word-sensitive writer-speaker is Grace Fox of the Vancouver, Canada, area. She and her husband, who are also support staff for an overseas mission, live simply on a moored boat. That type of housing can have its disadvantages—like how dampness from a prolonged rainy season recently filled their cramped floating home with mildew. And that prompted her to choose “Restore” as her word for 2023 to focus on her need of physical and “habitat” restoration.*

As 2022 ended, I started thinking about what—besides “wisdom”--God might be building in my life. Of all things, the word “humble” came to mind, along with the drawings in E.B. White's delightful childen's book, Charlotte's Web. Most folks know its story: of how a clever spider named Charlotte spun webs with words spelled within the crossing strands. Seeking how to save her barnyard friend, a pig named Wilbur, from slaughter, she spun “some pig,” “terrific,” “radiant” and “humble” above her barn friend before she herself died.

Like the Bible's Solomon, I could have chosen
this label, but another pricked my heart.

Except for “some pig,” I wouldn't mind any of those labels myself. But the word “humble” snagged my heart. I thought of 1 Peter 5:6-7: “Humble yourself, therefore, under God's mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time. Cast all your anxieties on him, because he cares for you.”

In my earlier years, the words “achieve,” “surpass,” and “exceed” might have described me. I graduated from high school in the top ten of my class of more than 400, plus was the orchestra concertmistress. I was a college newspaper editor and graduated magna cum laude. I finished a master's degree “with highest honors.” Several books and hundreds of magazine articles carried my byline. But there comes a time in spiritual growth when these labels take on a different perspective. Those achievements weren't mine to fling around, but occasions for me to acknowledge my dependence on the Lord. To humbly acknowledge that without Him and His smile, any of the world's glitter and honors are meaningless.

And so, in 2023 I will put the word “humble” at the bottom of my computer screen. It's a word that will roll around in my heart all year in my continuing journey of living for Him.

---

Here are the "word of the year" blogs mentioned above:

MyWord for the Year is in Hebrew – Lucinda Secrest McDowell

How Does a Yearly Focus Word Help Us Grow? | Grace Fox Ministries

TONGUE-TRIED

My little grandsons have lots of fun with these teeth! But what

an appropriate illustration of an out-of-control mouth.

When the genes that became “me” were assigned, I ended up with a small mouth. I know that’s frustrating when I go in for dental care because I’m constantly asked, “Open wider, please.” Usually I try to make light of it by saying I’m sorry I don’t have the oral width of comedian Carol Burnett—and yes, I strain to “open wider.” It’s just part of how I was “knit together” after conception.

Sadly, my “open wider” dental requests sometimes remind me of a time years ago when somebody mocked that part of my body. I was living for a few months with two other single women. I was thankful to be able to rent their extra bedroom, but we just never got close.  They did come one time to my church, where I sang in the choir. Later, emptying the garbage, I came across a church bulletin from that visit. On it, one of them had written, “She hardly opens her mouth to sing.” That stung. I simply have a small mouth, and with it I do my best to make a “joyful noise.”  I didn’t say anything to them about the note, but that mean criticism was hard to shake.

That wasn’t the only time when someone wounded me with harsh, unfair or untrue words. In some cases, it was someone with a mental illness, and I asked the Lord to help me put that perspective on it. I would pray for them—admittedly, half-heartedly, because they didn’t see themselves as mean. Then somebody brought my attention to Jesus’ Sermon on the Mount: “”Blessed are you when people insult you, persecute you and falsely say all kinds of evil against you because of me” (Matthew 5:11). If I am truly trying to follow Christ and represent Him to my world, it’s not about me, it’s about Him.

I gained another perspective from a devotional book I’ve been reading that collects writings from godly men and women leaders of the past. This devotion excerpted from the writings of Guigo I (1083-1136), who corresponded with Bernard of Clairvaux. Little is known about his life, but this counsel survived the centuries:

It is a good thing to pray for anyone who confesses and asks for forgiveness.  It is even better to pray for someone who does not yet feel guilty about anything. Ask God to help them notice their sin.  And pray also for those who know they are guilty but will not admit it.  Maybe they are ashamed. Maybe they are actually enjoying their guilt.  Ask God to help them.*

I lost touch with my “small mouth” roommates after that year of sharing a house. But I’m grateful for the reminders God sends me to watch my own mouth. Most important: that I keep a heart tender toward His will for my behavior. Reading proverbs on a regular basis helps with that, with verses like these:

Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life. Put away perversity from your mouth; keep corrupt talk far from your lips. (Proverbs 4:23-24)

When words are many, sin is not absent, but he who holds his tongue is wise. The tongue of the righteous is choice silver. (10:19)

The lips of the righteous nourish many, but fools die for lack of judgment (10:21)


*Bernard Bangley, compiler, Near to the Heart of God: Daily Readings from the Spiritual Classics (Wheaton: Shaw Publishers, 1998), entry for August 17.

TWEETS

A treetop chorus greeted me one day when I went out to get the mail. The row of tall evergreens behind our house provided the perches for a whole choir of “tweeters,” cheerfully expressing their happiness (I assume!). My “to-do” list that day included grocery shopping. I thought how the birds don’t need to bother with such errands. Though they have to hunt for food, God supplies. That includes the local crows, who grab walnuts from a nearby tree and drop them on the street to break them open!

The internet has opened up a whole new way to communicate instantly. The birds, naturally, reminded me of the “Twitter” and “tweets” phenomenon. Also called “micro-blogging,” it’s a social network service that allows you to express yourself in 280 characters or less. The White House “tweets”! But don’t try to “tweet” me. I’m not in that “system.” Plus, I favor thinking through my words and asking if they will hurt or harm. Proverbs 25:9 adds: “He who loves a pure heart and whose speech is gracious will have the king for his friend.”

Several years ago I was emotionally wounded by someone who felt they should “speak their mind” and sent me pages-long communications (definitely not “tweets”) that distorted events and words from long years earlier. Eventually, that person admitted to having a problem with a bitter spirit. I think that was after I shared the acrostic guideline “THINK” for God-honoring communication. Before writing or speaking, ask, is it...
TRUE?
HELPFUL?
INSPIRATIONAL?
NECESSARY?
KIND?
I wonder if some of our problems with the tongue (or the keyboarding/’twittering’ fingers) go back to violating this principle. We forget Who we represent and just speak our minds. We forget our dependence on the Creator, of Whom those singing birds regularly remind us:

Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you much more valuable than they? (Matthew 6:26)

Those feathered friends “twittering” in the treetops behind my home spoke a language I can’t understand. But I can accept the truth that they depend on the Creator for their very next meal. And although I don’t talk “bird language” (which is another area of scientific exploration by itself) I do understand the need to train myself to speak (or write) as though God was listening in.

Because He is.

SOUND-BITES (Psalm 141)

Does this truck bed full of trash remind you of the destiny of trash-talk?

(Part of an ongoing series on the 48 psalms commended for study during times of "feeling down," from a list in counselor-pastor David Seamand's book, Healing for Damaged Emotions.)

One of the trendy phrases today is “sound-bytes,” which I understand to mean tiny bits of communication. Change one vowel and you get “sound-bites,” which could refer to what I’ve heard called the most destructive weapon of all. They’re related to a muscle just a few inches long found in our mouths.

Words that bite and hurt have been around a long, long time. Some of the best-known passages in the epistle of James refer to controlling one’s tongue. We’re to be “quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry” (James 1:19). An unruly tongue is called a fire capable of great damage (3:5-6) and ironically able to both praise and curse (3:10). Not surprisingly, Proverbs says a lot about the destructive power of words, like this one: “A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger" (Proverbs 15:1).

PURITY

Harsh words can also stir up deep hurt and division, something that David as a leader of warriors and then of a nation experienced often. Learning to speak wisely was part of his training to be king, and Psalm 141 suggests how he practiced that in his personal worship:

May my prayer be set before you like incense; may the lifting up of my hands be like the evening sacrifice. Set a guard over my mouth, O LORD, keep watch over the door of my lips. Let not my heart be drawn to what is evil....(vv. 3-4 a)

Probably he prayed with hands pointed to the skies, as symbolized with the upward wafting of smoke from the tabernacle’s incense burners. It’s important to remember that the incense used in worship was meticulously prepared to be as pure as possible. In coming to God with the day’s recall of words, he knew he was facing a Holy God. Even in his high position, David wanted a heart open to reproof and kindness, and one that guarded against sinning with words:

Let a righteous man strike me—it is a kindness; let him rebuke me—it is oil on my head.(v.5)

There’s a similar thought in Proverbs 15:31:

He who listens to a life-giving rebuke will be at home among the wise.

Plus, centuries later, the apostle Paul counseled:

Brothers, if someone is caught in a sin, you who are spiritual should restore him gently (Galatians 6:1).

There’s a big difference between a life-giving rebuke and a self-serving complaint or condemnation. Lately, I’ve become especially attuned to the warnings about this in scripture. I often read a chapter of Proverb that corresponds to the date of the month, and frequently run into verses like these:

Whoever corrects a mocker invites insult; whoever rebukes a wicked man incurs abuse. Do not rebuke a mocker or he will hate you; rebuke a wise man and he will love you. (Proverbs 9:7-8)

The tongue that brings healing is a tree of life, but a deceitful tongue crushes the spirit (Proverbs 15:4)

A rebuke impresses a man of discernment more than a hundred lashes into a fool. (Proverbs 17:9)

ENDINGS

The psalm ends with a vignette of the wicked not receiving honorable burials, something important in Jewish culture. That seemed out of place until I realized that Psalm 141 is holding up God’s standards of purity and propriety in a world that’s riddled with snares and traps of polluted hearts and foul mouths. All of these contribute to “feeling down.” Instead of returning mean-spirited “sound-bites,” we’re to look at how Jesus, handled such things.

Consider him who endured such opposition from sinful men, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart. (Hebrews 12:3) 

Trash talk

Oh, my, I thought as I listened to students in the busy halls of our town’s local high school. The air was blue—or should I say black?—with crude slang and irreverent uses of God’s name.  I felt sad for Christian teens, who had to live with that every day. I have the same sad-and-angry reaction in various public places when I heard language that disrespected or demeaned people or my Lord.  And then the pointing finger turned around.  Had I ever sinned with my mouth? Had I  verbalized thoughts fit only for the trash?

I appreciated how Priscilla Shirer dealt with that problem in her book The Resolution for Women (B&H, 2011). She quoted Luke 6:45 (Amplified):

For out of the abundance (overflow) of the heart his mouth speaks.
Our mouths, she said, are “only a barometer” that divulge whether we’re “immersed in humility or surrendered in obedience to the Lord.” What we say can also reveal if we’re “housing a malnourished spirit that stubbornly refuses to yield to the wisdom of God’s own Word.” A condensed version of her tests for a troubled mouth:

*Quick to offer opinions in any conversations?  Shows: haughtiness, need to impress or be at the center of attention.

*Constantly critical or demeaning? Shows: insecurity or uncertainty about your inherent value; angry, judgmental heart.
*Quarrel with spouse or divisive with others? Shows: lack of deep peace, need for Christ’s grace in strengthening relationships.
*Gossipy? Shows: failure to see troubled people as needing support, prayer, companionship.
*Negative (doubtful, skeptical) outlook? Shows: failure to trust God’s ability to handle wisely the details and timing of your life.

In all of these, the heart is a reservoir—a holding tank of the essence of who we are. The words that spill out reveal who we really are. If you’re a “PEW” person (Perfect in Every Way), you can stop reading right now.  If not, consider the trash can. It’s not just about cursing or variations of God’s name used like punctuation. It’s about controlling the tongue so it’s an “instrument of His peace.”  Or, as Proverbs 12:18 says:

The tongue of the wise brings healing.